Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Assassination of Pikasaffe by the Coward J. Nutty

The Eirhess System came up into the screen of the USS Carl Sagan as Lieutenant Commander Pikasaffe shaded her eyes from its turbulent glare. "Set course for Eirhess 3" she roared over the churning engineering subsystems as the groaned in protest at the 10 G's being applied to the hard right turn. Lieutenant Pert punched in the coordinates and slammed a meaty fist on the console. The Sagan slammed into warp without regard for any particulate matter that may have laid in its path.
On the other side of the Pico Quadrant, Doh G'bone was peering over the blueprints of his vessel, the USS Lady Gaga. "What do you mean the auxiliary systems have been drained?" he gently asked Nuneloe, his science officer. She was a trill and very beautiful. He loved her in real life but as a captain of his very own vessel he had to keep duty as job one. "I can't explain it" she said. "I would almost think we're being targeted but long range sensors detect nothing."
Suddenly off the starboard deck, a ship decloaked.
"Hail that vessel," he commanded but before Handre, the engineering officer, could comply, two photon torpedos slammed into the Gaga.
"Deeeeeeeeeeeeamn," yelled G'bone.
"Sir, we're being hailed" said the little blue alien science officer whose name no one could recall.
The grim visage of J. Nutty appeared before them all, 15 feet tall and sneering. "Good afternoon, Federation scum," he intoned. "You are quite helpless, I have destroyed your engines utterly."
"What do you want."
"Why, to finally gain my revenge at long last. Oh no, not on you sir," he said with disrespect because of their long, complex, and hateful history "but on your friend.. Your friend Pikasaffe."
"You leave her alone right now, J. Nutty!"
"No, I don't think I shall." And with that, the communication ceased and J. Nutty's vessel cloaked and warped off towards the Eirheis System.


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